Well, the first round of the playoffs was pretty damn disappointing, unless you enjoy watching Steph Curry and CP3 get injured and seeing the Charlotte Bobcats fold like a lawnchair in the franchise's first meaningful game ever. Hopefully the Drakes and the D-Wades becomes an entertaining series between 2 talented teams that like to blow 4th quarter leads. I also have high hopes for Spurs v Westbrook and I think the Dubs v Blazers will be sneaky entertaining. Mostly, though, I'm stuck with some burning questions after round 1:
Did that really just
happen to the Clippers?
I mean, I don’t feel bad for any of them except maybe Chris
Paul. But, if you didn’t believe in the
Donald Sterling curse, you should now.
Literally less than 36 hours after their window to the finals
miraculously opened in the form of a Steph Curry MCL, Chris Paul broke his hand
on a jersey, and Blake Griffin’s quadriceps decided it was
tired of hanging on to his knee ligaments.
So, yeah. They’ve got no window. They should have traded Blake but they didn’t,
Jamal Crawford & CP3 are getting old, DeAndre Jordan is still not very good
at anything but jumping, and the only young guy on their roster who might
improve is the coach’s son, who followed up a pretty impressive black
eye performance by giving an eye roller of a press conference that would make even
Dwight Howard proud. He fake cried like
4 times, his voice quivered when he talked about Jamal Crawford “the best
teammate he’s ever had”, and he declared that he’s “come a long way, man”. Yeah, Austin.
You’ve come a long way, man.
From being son of Doc, a man who humbly coached a scrappy little basketball
team in Boston to an NBA championship, to struggling to earn a name for
yourself at a little school with a funny name in North Carolina, to fighting to
earn a bench spot on your Dad’s team, to playing big minutes in a playoff game
because the 2nd best point guard in the league broke his hand. Wow, man.
Started from the bottom, now you’re here. I hope you have a self-gratifying fishing
trip this summer. You’ve earned it, son
of Glen.
Is “We the North” one
of the dumbest, or THE dumbest NBA marketing phrase ever?
It’s pretty dumb. I
mean, I get what they’re trying to
say: “We are the Northernmost basketball city in the NBA”. Not that there’s anything cool about that
fact, but for the sake of argument, maybe they wanted to capture, in a phrase,
their identity of being the only NBA franchise in Canada… “We the North” is
what they came up with. Was there some
kind of 13 character limit? “We are
the North” at least sounds like a coherent thought. Maybe they omitted “are” to try make it sound
like something Drake would say? If that’s
the case, why even use a proper “the”?
Why not roll with “We da North”?.
It’s a slippery slope, I guess.
From there you might as well go with “We da Norf” or “We da Nort, mon. Work, work, work work work he see me do me
Dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt.” There’s a
thin line between Drizzy and Rihanna. They
should’ve just scratched that whole idea, made OVO a partner and changed their
mascot to the Owl.
How you gonna put “Buzz
City” on your jersey and act like you weren’t just the Bobcats?
This is for sure: “We the North” is at
least not dumber than “Buzz City”. Not
even the Bobcats fans would wear the free t-shirts, and that’s saying something
considering a purple dress shirt and the Karate Kid bandana is acceptable fashion
at Bobcats games. It sounds like something from Space Jam, and this version of the logo kind of looks like a generic pop flavor.
It’s crazy to think the Bobcats
had a shot at the 2nd round. I couldn’t name their starting 5 to save my
life. I’m not even entirely sure of a
single starting player on their team.
Does Jeremy Lin start, or does Kemba Walker? Do they still have Gerald Henderson and Josh
McRoberts? Did Stephen Jackson
retire? Would Jordan have played if they made the conference finals and showed Lebron what real post moves look like? How
many pounds of Elmer’s glue does Jeremy Lin go through in a week? Does he ruin the towels he dries his hair
with?
Did Curry strain his
MCL trying to avoid a good ol’ fashioned nard smash?
It sure looks like it.
I’ll say this: he’s a tough guy
and an unselfish teammate, but if I had to pick a Warriors player to step in a
wet spot on the floor, it would be Harrison Barnes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjFfi-dZU9w&feature=youtu.be
Side question: Is
Barnes costing himself money every time he misses a wide open corner 3? Considering that his backup makes those shots
pretty consistently… Yes. Yes he
is. Joe Lacob should tell him straight
up that every missed corner 3 is $250,000 off the bargaining table this summer. Andre Iguodala for MVP.
I’m a die-easy fan, but I’m fully on the Warriors
bandwagon. Curry makes the game twice as
much fun to watch. I haven’t enjoyed
watching a player this much since Kobe. So,
yeah… I’m pretty bummed to see him injured and I really hope he comes back at
100% during the playoffs. There was
something enjoyable about watching all 280lbs of ‘roided out Lebron getting beat
in the Finals by a guy who looks like he would blend in at a high school
gym. Get well soon, Chef Curry.
As far as the 2nd round goes, I think it’s gonna
be very fun to watch. Dame Dolla can
cook with the best of them and Klay has been the best player in the playoffs so
far. I think the Warriors take the
series in 6, and we’ll see what happens after that.
When will Lebron get cramps?
Honestly, he might not get them till the Finals. The Eastern conference still sucks major donkey, just like it has for the past, I dunno, 6 or 7 years? There’s not a single player in the Eastern Conference good enough to make Lebron play hard on both sides of the ball. Get ready for 2 more rounds of him acting like a WWF wrestler who just jumped off the ropes and showing his teeth like a lion when Kyrie does something good. Anybody who thinks the Hawks will turn this into much of a series is smoking more spice than a lineman at Ole Miss.
So the Spurs are
gonna win the title, right?
Hard to call right now.
The Curry injury is heaven sent for them, and they sure as shit are not
gonna lose to the likes of Russ Westbrook and his dance-off and dress like a fuckboi
pregame ritual. I know Russ wants to
have something going on outside of basketball, but if he becomes a fashion trendsetter,
everyone’s gonna walk around looking like they’re headed to Coachella to mix
uppers and downers with Rihanna. Then, there’s
this:
Russ, in defense of the guy who has nothing better to do
than interrupt your dance routines, what the fuck are you doing? “Born to Hand Jive” was probably the weirdest
scene in Grease, a move full of super weird scenes, and you’re basically just taking
John Travolta’s moves and giving them a little Afrocentric flare.
However, if you do a knee slide, pick up Cameron Payne,
swing him between your legs, then drop to your knees while he wiggles through
the hole, you will have taken this whole “hand jive” shit to the next level,
bruh.
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